Member Column

by Jim Greer

LW contributor

In the 1971 Academy Award-winning film, 'Fiddler On The Roof,' Tevya, the milkman, explains to his wife Golde that “good news will stay. And bad news will refuse to leave.” Over the past six months, our lives have become more challenging as we attempt to process the bad news that won’t go away. And just like Tevya and the people of Anatevka, “every one of us is a fiddler on the roof. Trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune, without breaking his neck.”

The simple tune each of us played before COVID may have included club meetings, dances, concerts, church gatherings, pickleball, or just dining out. But now, we walk the narrow spine of our roofs while scratching out an entirely new, simple tune.

An April 13, Psychology Today posting by Dr. Alice Schruba, Psy.D., offers uplifting advice, and suggests five ways each of us can develop a new tune to help us cope with the pandemic.

• Sitting With vs. Sitting In— Each of us needs to acknowledge our emotions. We can “sit” with our emotions, and attempt to understand and allow ourselves to honor our feelings and move through them. Accepting our feelings regarding the pandemic enables us to have them and still function, rather than feel stuck or exhausted while avoiding them.

• Controllable vs. Uncontrollable— By identifying what is essential and controllable, we are free to consider how to address our concerns. Assessing what is unimportant but controllable enables us to act when we need to. Acknowledging what is unimportant and uncontrollable provides perspective and alleviates the anxiety associated with dealing with the unknown.

• Momentum vs. Motivation— Behavioral activation means identifying and taking tangible steps to help build momentum. As we create momentum through action, we establish personal evidence that we can do it and motivate ourselves to keep going. Developing and maintaining healthy routines is supreme in the undefined time of COVID-19. Consider what routines and actions have aided in the past and reinstate them.

• Connection vs. Conversation— True connection seeks to communicate to others that, “I see you, I hear you, and I’m with you.” It balances active listening and sharing during a conversation. When we approach each relationship with intentionality, we communicate to others that social distancing doesn't have to mean social disconnection.

• Hope vs. Hype: To reestablish hope in your life, remind yourself that there is good in this world. That which you focus on is what you will foster. By actively identifying hope and things you are thankful for, you will remember that there are things more significant, more transcendent than COVID-19. Recognize that these areas of health are not a checklist of things to accomplish or mark off. Instead, they are areas of health to check in with yourself. As you check in with yourself, do so from a stance of compassion, not perfection. While each of us figures out our “new normal” and our individual needs, give yourself and others a little grace.