Member Columns

Height Challenged

by Michael McGrorty

LW contributor

My mother was not the type to worry about inconveniencing her adult children. Far from it. She believed her sons owed her for the burden of their raising. If we complained, she mentioned that she might have drowned us, as if this would make us more grateful for the chance to mow her lawn.

One of Mom’s regular requests was that I show up for “dinner” on my way home from work. This was a transparent ruse, concealing at least one arduous chore. Either before or after the enchiladas, I’d have to get the Christmas lights down from the attic, change her car’s oil or something else. If I complained, she’d remind me of what a difficult birth I was, or go back to the drowning thing again.

The thing that made me sore was when she had me come over just to get something off a shelf she couldn’t reach.

Flash forward: I’m relaxing at home, and my wife, all 5 feet of her, needs her 6-foot husband to retrieve a heavy pan from the back of the top kitchen shelf. I have to get it down, with or without enchiladas, or suffer an acute guilt trip.

But a remedy is found. I bought us a Kik-Step, a rolling step stool that adds 14 inches to her height and maybe half an hour to my nap time. You may have seen these in libraries. They work very well if you have normal balance. Anything higher than that and it’s ladder time.

Betsy has already tried out the nap-saving device. I was going to give it to her for Christmas, but I know how hard a short woman can punch.

How Many Careers?

by Noel Markham

LW contributor

So far, I’ve had seven careers in my lifetime. My first career— and my longest—started before I was in school. I used to draw bunnies and other animals with a thick pencil. My parents thought I was clever and gave me the chance to add color to my art. They bought me a box of crayons. But when I drew a very colorful ice cream cone on my bedroom wall, they took my crayons away. Hey, everybody’s a critic.

At an early age, I decided to become a best-selling mystery writer. I read every Nancy Drew Mystery I could get my hands on. Currently I am writing my third crime mystery. Two others are published and available on Amazon. Sadly, I have not reached the “Best-Selling Author” stage yet, but I’m hopeful.

After graduating from high school, I went to college and majored in English. However, I didn’t get very far before I met my husband, and then, as you probably guessed, we had two adorable children—at least they think they were adorable. That was the start of my career as a wife and my other career as a mother. There may be men reading this article who believe that wife and mother are not careers, but if you could have spent a few days with my children when they were growing up, I think you would change your mind.

Finally, my children got old enough to go to school, allowing me to go back to college. I graduated and was admitted into the English department’s Ph.D. program, but when I was offered a teaching job, I took it. While I enjoyed teaching, I wanted more money. So, because of greed, I left the world of grading English papers long into the night and started a business with my son. Doctors’ House Calling Service quickly morphed into managing three large medical offices in Orange County. Until we sold that business, I painted seascapes, landscapes, portraits and animals on the weekends and vacation trips.

And then, the Internet came along, and we started a business creating websites and getting those sites placed on page one of the major search engines. This was the perfect job/career for me as it allowed me to combine my art and writing talents in creating the websites and the marketing.

So, I have enjoyed seven careers: art, writing, wife, mother, teaching, medical business and web design. My husband and I moved to Leisure World seven years ago, and I still write and paint. Currently, I specialize in original paintings of people’s pets (mostly dogs, but I also paint cats and birds, and I’d even paint a bunny if someone wanted me to—remember, I am greedy). My only worry now is that if I ever paint an ice cream cone on one of my walls, my children will have to figure out what to do with me.

If you would like to see how I paint people’s pets, go to my website at furryfriendsart.net.