Member Column-Hummingbirds

We have a lot of hummingbirds flying around here at Leisure World. And they’re pretty awesome; the way they dart around, and stop on a dime mid-air to feed on a plant’s nectar. And when they’re close to you, you can hear their wings flapping incredibly fast, making a buzzing, humming sound. They’re almost half bird, half insect!

Anyway, I was sitting on my patio, just relating to nature, and for the first time, I noticed that we have lots of hummingbird feeders in the community; almost all are a red color, and hanging from the rafters. And as I later learned, filled with sugary water. A moment later on this particular day, a hummingbird flew right by, and stopped...like three feet in front of my face. And he was staring at me. And I was staring at him. Right into his beady little eyes.

What’d he find so fascinating? And that’s when I realized, “I...HAVE...THE POWER! I am capable of summoning nature’s creatures with just the power of my brain! It was psychokinesis in its most natural form. I was just thinking about hummingbirds a moment ago, and now one flies over to greet me from out of the blue!”

But what to do now? Does my little flapper want to play? Does he enjoy the scent of my aftershave lotion? Or does he simply appreciate my equanimity, one that all of God’s creatures now evidently enjoy? After all, I’m now 64. And after six decades or so, I’ve learned to attain a certain one-ness with nature. Just ask any dog in the neighborhood.

And then, I took off my baseball cap to wipe my brow, and to take in the full magnitude of my newfound ability. And that’s when the painful truth hit me. I came back to Earth with a disappointing thud. I realized, “Holy cow, I’m wearing a red baseball cap. And he thinks I’m a bird feeder!”

What a disappointment. I was so embarrassed. In a moment, my hummingbird acquaintance flitted away. He wasn’t looking for a sugar daddy, just some sugar water.

Oh well, I guess I’m just an average dude who sometimes thinks a little too highly of himself. Hey, wait a cotton-pickin’ minute. What’s this we have here? Is this an ant crawling up my leg? By golly, it is!

Another one of nature’s creatures inexorably attracted to me. Hey, you know what this means? It’s the only logical conclusion. It means that I...am...unequivocably...and conclusively...DR. DOOLITTLE!

Jon Michaels Mutual 1