Growing Older and Wiser

RESIDENT COLUMN

by Dr. Jeanne Pontac

LW contributor

I once said that a problem I see in facing the golden years is not aging itself but a lack of vision. We don’t feel as competent or needed. We often can’t do things that we used to do. The gift of retirement is that we have time. The Greeks have several words for time. One word for time is kairos. Kairos indicates a season, often an opportune or seasonable time, a point of time that is the “right” time.

The recent pandemic has brought home the point that this is what the golden years should be for all of us. It can be a “right time” to set things right. Many of us have been treated unfairly, unjustly and even downright nasty. Sometimes it seems like bad days are a part of life. We can choose to look back over times when we misspent our life and ruminate bitterly on the mistakes we experienced.

Or we can choose another path. It’s time to forgive (to let go of) the mean things that were said or done to us, or that we said and did to others.

I recently had a wonderful phone conversation with my ex-husband.

He called me as a result of a letter that I sent him. In the letter, I thanked him for being a good husband (supported me in achieving a Ph.D. in psychology) and a good step-father to my two children, despite the fact that he wanted a divorce after 10 years of marriage.

He said that he had recently thought of me and how our marriage ended quickly and he, too, didn’t take the time to thank me for the years, that I was a good companion and a good step-mother to his daughter. My wanting to acknowledge the positive in our marriage resulted in a sense of sweet closure with fond memories.

Now is the time to acquire the knowledge of how to live: to live in kindness, having rewarding relationships, being reasonably healthy and in service to our community.

The golden years can be full of pleasure and purpose if one makes a commitment to that. The gift of retirement is that we have time—time to smile, time to say hello, time to do a good deed, time to visit friends and neighbors, and time to relax and read great books and listen to music.

It is a time to enjoy your grandchildren, nature, birds and even the rabbits and squirrels. Most Importantly, it is time to be a peacemaker.

My husband, Tom, and I are taking the time we have left seriously.

Time is not dribbling through our fingers.

Perhaps our motto in Leisure World and in life might be “the older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.”