Embrace Reality

MEMBER COLUMN

by Jim Greer

LW contributor

Congratulations, you’ve made it through 2020, the “peaceful” transfer of political power, and now with vaccines, you see the light at the end of the COVID tunnel. The real question is: Will we ever go back to normal?

According to licensed clinical social worker and author Sara Van Tongeren, “There are things in our lives that are so indelibly changed that we will never be the same.”

Van Tongeren further explains, “It is important that we let go of those antiquated ways of understanding and instead learn about what our experience is teaching us. Most problems and difficulties that we have as humans circle around our difficulties with accepting reality.”

I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble, but Van Tongeren is right. We may feel that what we are experiencing now is not normal, and what we want is to get our old normal back. Our gut tells us that something is not right, and we’re not feeling safe about our current reality.

Van Tongeren provides five successive steps we can take to change how we perceive and react to reality.

• First, start by applying the uncertainty principle—the realization that we don’t and can’t know everything. “If we can start from this place, we can begin from a place of compassion, a place of love and a place of curiosity that exists without judgment.”

• Second, listen to what your body is telling you; it is your power. It has evolved to help you know when you are in danger. Learn to listen to your body’s signals before proceeding. While you listen and hold fast to the uncertainty principle, you will better understand what is being revealed to you.

• Third, acknowledge where you are now. Take a moment and explain to yourself the reality of the situation. Be assured, but state the facts honestly, such as “I know this new reality may seem frightening, but it is reality.”

• Fourth, pay attention to your self-talk. Realize that your culture or community may have defined your previous notion of normal. Your old normal may have been based on a perception of reality, not reality itself. Compassionately tell yourself the same things you would say to a friend: “I know you are anxious; it’s difficult to adapt to a changing world.”

• Fifth, allow yourself to adapt as you are—not as you want to be. As you face the reality of where you are and what you are feeling, you can better integrate yourself into the present. The present reality may hurt or not be something you want but once you are present in it, you are taking the first step toward normalizing your new reality.

Ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wisely stated, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them. That only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

So, whether you like it or not, reality should be your new normal; embrace it without fear.