Dispositional Gratitude

by Jim Greer

LW contributor

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity—it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow,” declares self-help author Melody Beattie.

In 2013, New York Times columnist and author David Brooks found himself in a ditch—a ditch of loneliness of his own making. He realized he had embraced the lies of meritocracy that teach that career success makes you happy. The lie that life is an individual journey, and you can make your own truth.

He discovered at that time that loneliness was rampant. Thirtyfive percent of Americans over 45 were chronically lonely. The largest-growing religious organization and the largest-growing political movement was “unaffiliated.” Since 1999, the suicide rate had risen 30 percent. Since 2011, teenage suicide was up 70 percent.

As he considered a solution to his predicament, Brooks recognized that adopting a disposition of gratitude could help resolve his loneliness. In his July 28, 2015, New York Times column, he revealed that “gratitude happens when some kindness exceeds expectations, when it is undeserved.”

Those who have adopted dispositional gratitude express and display appreciation for unearned blessings. Capitalist meritocracy glorifies the self-sufficient. In contrast, those with dispositional gratitude are keenly aware of their dependence on others. Their identity is not fashioned by themselves but by their superiors—parents, friends and ancestors. If they relied entirely on themselves, they’d be much worse off.

People with dispositional gratitude know they receive far more than they give and deserve. Their blessings far outweigh the good deeds they perform or the gifts they give. Capitalism sees human beings as “self-interested, utility-maximizing creatures.” Conversely, those with grateful dispositions believe that people are motivated more by compassion than self-interest. They believe that intention matters and honor those who attempt to do good, though they sometimes fail. They are always pleased to find that people actually care more than expected.

Gratitude is a form of social glue; it binds people with bonds of affection as they pay forward their debts of gratitude to those who may not have earned them. As Brooks believes, “Society isn’t just a contract based on mutual benefit, but an organic connection based on natural sympathy.”

Those possessing dispositional gratitude are surprised that life is as pleasant as it is, despite the limits of human reason. Acknowledging insufficiency and celebrating dependence, they regard their efforts as grand, but never themselves. Life may not surpass their dreams, but it exceeds their expectations.

“Gratitude exclaims, very properly, ‘How good of God to give me this,’” wrote C. S. Lewis. God may not have given us the blessings we wanted this year. And yet, if we listen carefully and heed the lessons of our trials, we abandon doubt and pessimism and adopt dispositional gratitude as our guiding principle. We may celebrate Thanksgiving in a small gathering, with little or no family present.

But, with or without the company, we have indeed been blessed.