Keeping Calm in Crazy Times—How To Do It

by Shiori Lange

OptumCare at the HCC

Let’s be honest: 2020 has been a tough year. And it probably isn’t going to get any easier for some time. Trying to be positive and optimistic all the time can be – well, trying. It can be hard to be supportive and kind to others, even with close friends and family.

If you find yourself feeling less than patient with others, here are some tips to help you refocus and be a good friend and listener: 1. Take a breath. Feeling annoyed by what someone is saying? Tempted to cut them off – or tell them off? Focus on your breathing while they talk. We’re all processing a lot of challenging emotions right now. Sometimes we just need to be heard. A few deep breaths can help you stay calm and be the ear your friend needs.

2. Be supportive. Ask for more information—avoid saying “I understand.” Instead, ask them to tell you more. Asking for more details can help that person better understand their own feelings.

3. Be patient. This is a tough one. Maybe they are going on and on and on. Or they’re getting very emotional. Let them speak. Avoid interrupting or responding with anger. When they do stop talking, respond carefully and as objectively as you can. Being calm can help de-escalate the situation.

4. Walkaway. If things are getting heated or too emotional, it’s time to walk away. Be respectful but direct. Let them know you don’t feel like this conversation is going well and you would like to end it. You want to be friends and avoid saying anything hurtful, so you need some time to cool off.

5. Treat yourself. That was a tough interaction! You deserve some self-love. Go for a leisurely walk with your dog. Enjoy some gardening. Binge on your favorite sitcom. Give yourself some credit for handling it so well.

These rules don’t just work if you’re the listener. They also work if you’re the one who is talking! If you find yourself getting heated, remember some of these tips to help you refocus. With everything going on these days, a few deep breaths and a little patience can go a long way.

Shiori Lange is a licensed clinical social worker at the Health Care Center.